GIVING IN

I could give you my sanity or give you religion
I could write my poetry and put my game face on
At the end of the day it has to be made known
It's your heart and your soul I want to own

I couldn't bare and sit here idly
And watch you drift away ever so slowly
There's this dull ache in my hollow chest
For I cannot just be your second best

I cannot be your meantime girl either
Coz each moment just makes me fall even deeper
You've managed to steadily creep into my heart
It's taking so much to keep me from falling apart

I want to go out and dance in the rain
Pray to the heavens to wash away the pain
Wash away the traces of your lips so divine
Oh, what I wouldn't give to make you all mine

I feel you so near me and yet you're so far
How do I get to you without waging a war?
You broke down my defenses, if I had them at all
I've taken my chances, I'm in for the long haul

Would you want to see me break down and cry?
Coz these feelings I have, I can no longer deny
What would it mean to you to know how I feel?
As much as I want to, I can't quite reveal

It scares me so, I must admit
At times I think I should just quit
But I can't seem to let you go
And I'm too afraid to let it show

Perhaps I should start learning to protect my heart
Put up my defenses before I fall apart
Whatever I was seraching for, it was you I found
Got myself in this, I must stand my ground

This battle for you, I'd like to win
Please open your heart and let me in
Let me be all that you'll ever need
I vow to never make your heart bleed

Though I can't promise you anything grand
I won't even tell you, "Your wish is my command."
But if you need someone to cast away your fears
Know that I'll even offer to dry your tears

I want to be your choice above the rest
I don't want to be just your second best
After all that's been said and done
All I want is to be your only one.


310pm; 25aug2010
513pm; 26aug2010

SAIL

I'm in this quiet calm
With a storm of emotions
Raging within me

This tranquil acceptance
Where I've laid my heart on the line
And bared my soul

I feel no shame

I surrender
To a feeling so sublime
And a power so divine
That could reward or punish
As I've made myself vulnerable
To pain.
I have nothing to lose
But everything to gain

Our worlds collide
As I reach out
And begin my journey
To fight a battle
To conquer your heart
And make you mine.


24Aug2010
154pm

MY RHYME

Last night, on the bed I lay
Staring at the ceiling 'til the break of day
I couldn't stop thinking, thinking of you
There was really nothing much I could do

A dear friend asked, "Who's on your mind, day and night?"
I couldn't answer, try as I might
And last night, as I lay in bed restlessly
The answer has finally dawned on me

I finally slept and woke up this morning
Opened my eyes to a different feeling
Trying to recall what I had in my dream
You and I under the lone moonbeam

Sometime during my early morning drive
I started laughing, I felt so alive
Singing along to the songs on my stereo
I just let all my feelings flow

So now what? Let's assume these feelings are true
There still seems to be no hope for me and you
Should I go back to denial and just play along
Secretly hoping you feel just as strong

I block the world with music so melancholy
Perhaps trying to escape from reality
Pen in hand, these verses I write
Hoping to alleviate myself of my plight

I wonder if you feel this way
Do you think of me night and day?
If you do, please let me know
At least let your feelings show

Would you miss me when I'm gone?
Or would your life just go on?
So many questions in my head
So many words left unsaid

I don't play this game, but I might
Or at least try to put up a good fight
How do I do this without coming on too strong?
Scared that I might be getting this all wrong

Surprised to find that I suddenly care
To make a mistake is something I wouldn't dare
Have to play my cards right this time
Lest my poetry loses its rhyme

I don't want to lose you, I realize that now
I need to be with you, someway, somehow
I have to tell you despite my fright
I love you.   Is that alright?


24Aug2010
1000am

THE GAME

Bitter-sweet taste of my early morning coffee
Just like the bitter-sweet feeling of my reality
I'm trying to find some sense of reason
But I only end up in total confusion

A little sign, I try to find
To tell me that I'm on your mind
Perhaps a message on my phone
To let me know I'm not alone

But noontime's come, still no word from you
And I know this shouldn't make me blue
It's unsettling me, truth be told
I'll sit here waiting for the day to unfold

*lunchbreak*

Half the day has now gone by
Again, I'm left here wondering why
Not a hi or hello, no "how are you today?"
Still you manage to take my breath away

Like a little lost kid, I ask for advice
And this, to me, is such a huge surprise
So used to calling the shots all the way
Damsel in distress is how I feel today

I am the play-maker, I am not the game
Now every time I speak, I blurt out your name
This is fucking with my mind. Hate. Hate. HATE!
I can't even get you to ask me out on a date

I have to contain myself or I might explode
Or perhaps release my rage on the road
This frustration is killing me
Draining me of all energy


Can't seem to keep myself on my seat
My face is flushed, I feel the heat
Deny this feeling, deny til I die
Whatever it is, my pen doesn't lie

I shake in frustration, I gasp for air
I want to scream, "This isn't fair!"
I feel like slapping you in the face
So you'd hold me tight, if that's what it takes

I want to run fast to the middle of nowhere
Scream my lungs out where nobody would care
But all I can do is silently retreat
Sulk in one corner, perhaps, admit defeat.


23Aug2010
1130am

I WIN

Pero bakit kahit panalo na, feeling ko talo pa rin?

Yesterday, Monday, I got kinda crazy.

You see, I tried not to text this certain someone, let's call that person "Go Large," to see if I can last a whole day without doing so.  Thing is, this burnt out yuppie got all affected when Go Large did not text either.  I was at wit's end the entire afternoon, like a loony constantly checking on my phone, banging my fists on my desk and practically wanting to shove my head through my monitor.

Affected.

Well, towards the end of the day, I had to summon whatever support group I had and release my tensions and frustrations.  At exactly 6pm, as I was about to take my first gulp of beer, my phone beeped.

"Ala lang. Hi lang."

I win.

Or so I'd like to think.  My victory was cut short when Go Large didn't even take the time to drop by, say hi, or at least wave when he passed us by.

Isipin ko nalang, nauna pa rin sya mag-text.  Di pa rin nya ako natiis.

CLICHES: (Decadent Indulgence)

I live a life of decadence and I don't seem to mind
In the face of the absurd, it's you I try to find
So many lines in my head I'd like to say to you
But now is not the time to be true

I know that if it's your heart I seek
All the defenses I have are weak
You made it clear your heart belongs to her
Though in might take a while to let myself concur

It's clear I'm past the point of no return
Just bracing myself for the inevitable crash and burn
But I can't give you up, not just yet
I haven't given my blood and sweat

How sweet it would be to just dream on
To hope that one day these feelings are gone
How I allow myself to indulge this fantasy
Knowing that you and me won't be a reality

But who's to say that this shouldn't be?
Who's to tell me it can't be you and me?
And why is it that each time I close my eyes
I can't picture us saying our goodbyes?

And though I can't see us together forever
I can't see why we can't have our happy ever after
And if this is merely false hope I make myself believe,
My mind wonders, why couldn't you leave?

So I write again before I slumber
Hoping that this could make me feel better
And as I close my eyes and pray
I yearn for sweet dreams and pray you'll stay.


22Aug2010
1100pm

BACK TO POETRY

I find myself doodling your name
Wondering if you're doing the same
This is a dangerous game we're playing
And I am clueless as to where this is going

I drown myself in music you play
With lyrics that tell me the words you can't say
You touch me in ways you'll never know
If only you could let your feelings show

So here I turn to my only recluse
Where words are the only weapons I use
To keep me from losing my sanity
Armed with my pen, I'm back to poetry

Verse after verse, I can't stop writing
Word after word, I can't stop fighting
Just as I thought I've lost the poet in me
You inspire me to write endlessly

I wake, I sleep with lines in my head
Perhaps inspired by your lips so red
I see your face and my heart pleads
You touch my heart and my pen bleeds.


19Aug2010
125pm